And he said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21 ESV)
The Lord challenged me this morning when he began to ask if I really love and desire him. Such an odd season of my life it has been, as I have not been encountering Him as strongly as before. His presence I know is still with me, but I don't feel him or hear him the same way. I have faced resistance and spending time with God means having to dig a little deeper while fighting to protect moments with Him is all too common now.
So I pondered the question briefly and responded to His question. Much like Peter's response I simply answered, "Yes Lord I love you". But there was something else this morning that He began to ask me that troubled me. "Do you love me more than these?". I knew in my heart what my Lord speaks of when He says "these". I look at my room and all the things within it. I think of my friends and my family. I think of my very health. The question came again, "Do you love ME more than THESE?".
I hanged my head low to find that I really did not have an honest answer for Him. I know the right answer, the Sunday school answer, the self righteous, 'holier than thou' answer. But the real and truthful answer for the one who sees my heart did not come. Instead, my heart began to overflow with questions: Do I love Him for what He has done for me or for who He is in my life? If I were to lose everything, even my health, and I was made very low would I still love Him? Would I yet praise Him in my despair and destitution?
With my heart humbled I respond to Him with the honest answer? "Lord, you know I love you. Whether you take away or whether I freely give these things to you, help my heart to follow you in obedience. May I overflow in thankfulness knowing these things will fade away, but you will remain forever".
I pray these words please Him as I truly count the cost of following Him.
