I have been struggling with God of wishing and wanting to do more and be more. But in this chapter in my life coming to a close, I realize that God has had me actually where He wants me as He has revealed Himself in so many ways to me. He has shown me how He is a good father and how He doesn't just want me to see Him as the one I work for or under. He wanted me and still wants me to enjoy fellowship and relationship with Him. He's first an intimate friend, second colaborer. But I often want the to labor to prove I am worthy of the intimacy when God so willingly wants to give Himself to me. And the reality of that still offends my mind. That He doesn't want anything from me, but just loves me..that completly contradicts what love had been to me in the past: give and take. In His love that just gives, I have been able to overflow in love for Him and for others. I am burdened with love for the people I desire to minister to much more than I had before because God has touched my heart. Something I didn't attain for the people of this country until this year, though a year of ministry, but also waiting and allowing God to fill me with His love and me not striving to do, to work, or to love others.
He is my God and I am just His Melissa...there is no way I can change His mind or heart about what He feels for me. I can just receive His love.
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